Letting go of everything


The Importance of Surrender (Ego) – Circle Of The Dolphins

Higher Density Blog

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Your ego mind intentionally shuts down thoughts that would lead you to God, as it knows that you prefer not to face pain. The ego uses pain to block you from God in this way, as pain is a natural repellant due to love being the core of your being. The reason this happens is because it is in the egos best interest to keep you within its illusion so that it may continue to have its rule over you. The ego does not love, it only has pain to offer. You must face the illusion of pain and conquer it within yourself so that you can walk with God without illusion. With complete abdication, you will be able to walk through the illusion feeling peaceful, in all conditions. This happens because whenever you are feeling pain, you are choosing to do so. If your focus is on unconditional…

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The Butterfly and Me

Your love was just a dream
I never thought there is someone
Who could love me as me.
I never thought one day will come
To find love that was meant to be

I walked around with an empty hand
Barefoot; heart crashed
Tormented and dying
Life was then become nothing

Each night as a stare at the sky
Thinking how many should I be counting?
Till that someone will come along.
How could love be so elusive on me?
While I see others so abounding on it

Why do I have to cry?
Why does it have to rain on me?
When I’m already drowning in the river of life
Where monstrous ivory just waiting to devour me
Alone under the shelter of this tree I kept looking at the sky
Night and day, until my hope run dry

Life seem so barren so I put my heart in the box
For whatever is left, no one can touch
No one can hurt me more than I already have been
Saving for the moment someone will give life to my heart again

Never wandered my thoughts anymore
I am tired to even think
Lost hope I will ever find it
When I’m about to give up,
Walking away from the tree that shelter me
When I am about to expose myself to the venoms of life
A butterfly snatched me
I try to dish it off; I don’t have nectar to suck
But it kept coming back

As I am about to let go of life that has become meaningless
It whispers to me; hold on, I am here to stay with you
I am here to comfort and bring back the life you’ve lost
I am here to love you even if at any cost
Is that for real, as I stare and doubted the butterfly?
Why would you dare when I am nobody?
Why would you even love me when you don’t know me?
And why would I even give you a chance?
You will leave me anyway.

I have lost all the love in me
They just forget and hurt me
What has love brought to me butterfly?
But pain and tears
What have life become because of love?
When the world constantly crush you
When I was looking for comfort under the sky
I found out that love like stars it’s hard to hold in my hand

Everyone told me it’s superficial
I see the world full of pain
I felt in my body the wounds of apathy
If love can break you
Why are you here with me?
Can’t you see that I am bleeding
Can’t you see that I’m dying
Yet you are filling me up with love that is in you

I am to believe you?
Am I to believe that love is real?
Am I to stand despite I’m limb
Am I to let go and let love break me to make my heart whole?
Oh butterfly you confused me even more
Why didn’t you let me go?
Why did you show me your way
Invite me to your home
Why do I have to see your heart?
Why did you show up?
When I’m ready to die with the world

Can you stay forever? You said no
Life is revolving, life is to be lived
Is that short moment enough I said?
Why are you leaving, that was brief
Can’t you stay any longer?
I have to move on, there is more to this life, the butterfly muttered

The rain has stopped and so the butterfly left
Staring at the sky as the sun is slowly breaking in
Holding the heart in my hand reflecting what is left of me
while staring on the other hand what the butterfly has left me
Is one mustard seed of faith and her seed of love
Planted in my heart,
For whatever may come tomorrow
I will think of you butterfly
Who give me love one stormy night
Was it a dream? But dreams do come true
love may be the reason that I am broken
yet it was also love why I am saved
it may be hard yet to understand
why love is the beginning and the end

I may never know the reason why you love me butterfly
but that reason will make me realize
that in this world we don’t need too many reasons
for reason sometimes doesn’t make sense
to go beyond reasons and let love fill me over and over again

Because of Love

From afar, I watched as buses hurriedly pass by. Bringing people to their homes, as love ones waits for their return. Anxiousness abounds to the hearts that’s waiting; distress to the ones can’t wait to arrive. If they could only leap the distance that remains, how satisfying it would be, from years of absence and longing from the arms of the one you love. Days doesn’t matter how long have you been separated, what matters is the minutes that seemed years that finally you can touch and see their smiles again.

How time cheated on our life, living separate worlds, holding on to the promise and hope of one day we’ll be together again. Coping with what’s been lost through time because of choices we can’t choose, because of circumstances we don’t have a choice and join to the wagon towards the promise land.

Miles apart, our hearts connected in faith that one day it’s a matter of how we survive the trials and remain faithful to our selves. Stronger and more mature, we see life differently, opportunity as luck and togetherness a chance.

Pain and sorrow are no longer in our eyes. Happiness comes alive even if uncertainty awaits us of our return. Years just seem days now that were coming home, tears no longer will be my company tonight but the deafening laughter of missed family – the reason we find danger successful in the land life has no tomorrow.

“Console my heart O Lord, that I may understand; comfort me O Lord that I may be strong enough. Carry me O Lord that I may walk with them” In her heart she prays as she comes nearer. She doesn’t know what to expect from years of absence. Things aren’t the same as she recalls from the letter, so much has changed. Many things to discover in her return it’s a different battle to take. A different kind of strength for this time it’s a battle of her heart. Would there be a room for her in their life? A chance to be a mother a wife a daughter, a sister, a friend, she never thought of it until this very moment. Until she realized she’s been lost in their life. She admits they’re a stranger to her as much as she is to them. She’s like a soldier leaving with so much hope and promises until when she returned all of it is lost. Just a providence of what has been.

In her return, she whispered to her heart, she will tie the patches of their lives and make her house a home, her family together – her life complete. She’s strong enough to hold everything in her hand. Nothing can stop her, nor weaken her heart from her desire to be with them again.

She now questions the essence of life what matters most of this life. As she questions the choice she made, right or wrong one thing remained in her heart. She becomes stronger in faith, soul and character. One thing she hope that they may all understand, that her absence in their life was because of love.

The Love that Never Fails

imagesOnce in my life you showed me your love
Then I knew your love was for good
Without asking me anything in return
You love me true even if I don’t ask you to
Your love is sweet and true
Telling me you will never let me go
I don’t listen nor believed you
So I stray and went to dark avenues
Entertaining lies of men who only want my flesh
Who wants to devour their lust and I allowed them

Can’t understand why I was lead into such deception
Why didn’t I guard my heart not to fall into the trap of temptation?
Should I mutter it now?
My mind have been corrupted into believing
True love no longer exist
And my heart is so battered I don’t believe in love anymore

Tragic moment came when I believed
the lies in this world that love is not real
that everyone is bound to be chained in pain
Love is bought with money in temporal want

But then I found you one day standing at my doorstep
looking at me – waiting
you knew just how broken I am
you knew that I am drenched in wounds of love
you knew that my heart lost everything after all the wrong love

yet you still come and wanted me
Still giving me all the love you could ever give
Still asking me to let your love be in my heart
So no more tears will fall, so no more lonely nights
No more longing but fulfilled.

Oh how you love me so much?
Why you just cared for me this much
Now hitting the wall of enough
I’m tired of going to wrong places looking for love
Why I have to be broken in order to find you?
To understand that there is only you
Whose love will never ever fail
Oh Jesus, fill me with your love
I’m such in pain over committing sin
Choosing deceitful hearts instead of you

O God your love is beyond measure and words
How could you endure the years of courting me
Wanting me to know you for real
For offering love yet I did not listen
Your patience is unfathomable
Indeed its love and I have no more words

Oh Jesus forgive me for rejecting you
Oh Jesus forgive me if I was blinded by the love of this world

After all the pain and never ending crying nights
Now I’m tired of chasing pavements
I’m tired of hunting down the road of whatever
When you have always invited me to accept your eternal love

Now that I have realized and seen the truth
I am aching now wanting more of you
I want to trade my sinful heart O God
Purify me that I may no longer bleed in pain
For I know now, I have came to know the truth
Its your love that never fails!
The kind of love that gives life
The kind of love that this world could never give


The Laments of a Broken Heart

imagesTo walk in forbidden paths and dark clouds just surrounds the way. I may be cloth in white linen dress but it cannot hide the truth of my heart that is drenched soaked in pain. I just wonder why there are paths like this we have to walk. I have been here before and somehow i felt disoriented. Why am I here again? Recognizing the old familiar wounds of the past. Remembering what its like waiting for the sun to rise again. Feeling what its like to bathed in the rain of cleansing.

Accompanying some old familiar friends. I remember one good friend tears who always there for me. Quietly, silently with me. Quietness is deafening yet the emotions is shattering what is left of me. The soft green grass has turned into withered thorny sanctuary. This is a familiar place, where once I always ran to; like a child looking for a place of comfort. This place had been a comfort to this broken heart.

Oh way your visiting me this time? Why have you not completely deserted me pain? Why are you here tormenting me. Why do you love to see me cry. Is it because you knew its the only thing I can do? To write something about you and lament it all in words.

Are you not tired of bullying me. Coz i am tired of you lingering in my heart. No matter how you are going to torment me, inflict me with damaging emotions, I am brave enough to walk pass through this avenue of pain. I may not be able to run towards sunny boulevard but i dare my heart even if I will crawl. I dont want to be in chain with you forever. I will rise up and see the sun tomorrow and beating – living with a brand new pain free heart.

Now, breath o breath on me O God. Create in me a new heart


God Rebuilds!

God Rebuilds Our Ruins

I had another painful two weeks as my allergy continue. Blisters appearing everyday. I tried to refocus my thoughts so pain my not that too painful. But the pain just cannot be denied. I cant sleep well, I cant just move freely and again I have to watch my diet.

But today is another exceptional moment with God. As i was taking shower, and seeing the ruins in my skin brought by allergy, I cried and said “Lord by your mercy” then God reminded me of Nehemiah the prophet. Forget what is lost, forget what had been done. Rebuild your life. Like the Israelite s in Nehimiah’s time, God hear his prayer and rebuild the city of Jerusalem. Do i want to rebuild my life? Faced with this question, now it crushed my heart so much that its more painful than the pain i’m feeling brought by allergies. To know that God knows there is something wrong with my life. God knows my life is in ruins. To be given numerous chances of rebuilding my life and i just failed but God never gave up.

I cannot rebuild my life with only one party doing the work. I have to take my part in rebuilding. Sometimes I am blinded by the things of this world that there is nothing to rebuild in my life. I am for a moment made to believe that i dont have to work to rebuild my life. The world offers a temporary antidote to the pain, the world’s way is repainting, remodel. But the foundation is still the same where the root of the problem lies. In me, its my heart. I can tone my body, I can wear new hairdo, i can achieve that will coat my pain, the ruins in my life but the truth will always suffice because the ruins is rooted in the heart. So i need to change the foundation of my heart. I have to root in God.

To rebuild there’s an engineer, a planner an over all master for the work and that is God. Yes God rebuilds our ruined life.


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