Heavenly Bound!


June 12

The day is just fitting for a great travel ahead. I have been looking forward to this moment. This is exactly why I was equipped and being ready for, that when this moment arrived I am ready. But as much as I was excited but in the little corner of my heart there is a dot of anxiety of what would my life be for the next 10 months. Much as I was prepared and readied for this moment I was also apprehended to be sent in a far away unknown land. Is this really my “to the ends of the earth?”

As early as middle of May I was packing and technically I had all my stuff put in a box. I then became busy thinking over the place and life I will be for the next months.

One day while looking at the box, God reminded me, sure you are ready but you have neglected the very thing that you needed in your journey. and I thought all I needed is already inside the box.  For a moment I forgot to include the very important thing I needed in my internship – the Holy Spirit who is just waiting for me when I am not busy thinking over things to come when I should be busy emptying myself so He could fill me with His presence.  I stopped and quite myself and prayed.

And so the moment arrived. The day where I will visit the church for the first time and deliver my things. I dont know what will happened but I am just speechless over the support everyone had given me. In prayers, preparation, guidance and company to Sangke.

While travelling all I was just thinking of was the things, people, place, comfort I am leaving behind. Whatever happened to being ready and prepared changes into anxiety. The tiny little emotion suddenly emerges and slowly builds up into a mountain of fear, worry and the thought of being alone. I couldnt understand what I was feeling. The enthusiasm suddenly was gone and was replaced by anger. There was a battle going on in my heart that I wasnt aware of and I didnt realize it was slowly affecting me.

When we reached the church, and realized it is so far – so remote. When the rest of the group was very happy, I on the other hand almost breaking into tears thinking this is it – no turning back. Overwhelmed that the members constructed little parsonage for me but in my mind this is simply too far! How to survive for the rest of the time is killing the happiness and enthusiasm even more. I was simply focused on myself and forgotten that God has a purpose. God put me here. So going back to Dumaguete I was quite along the way.

By evening while walking to the American house dinner, the Holy Spirit reminded me of an instance where Kuya Greg told me “Jan never exchange your birth right over a cup of stew” and I don’t know why I was reminded of it but moments after my heart couldn’t hold any longer. As I SMS my discipler – I broke into tears. For an hour or more I was crying hard. Releasing all the negative feelings I felt – the anger, questions and anxiety. It is all together new to me and totally different from my comfort zone. I will be missing and be away from my support group. I couldn’t imagine my life to be physically alone and no one to call (for there is no signal) at the very moment I needed advise, needed pastoral opinion – help. Literally I will be alone. Now I understand why God reminded me “hey you neglected the very one i am sending to be with you”. I slept that night with a heavy heart and lifted up in prayer all the negative emotions bubbling inside.

Gladice posted photos taken from the trip. The next morning when I opened facebook and saw this photo it spoke to me so loudly God was asking me “does a pebble matter over a heaven of love?” whatever I was feeling inside it was washed away through great flood of God’s love sown in the hearts of everyone who is always there.  And it is just the beginning of a beautiful – blessed journey.



1 Comment (+add yours?)

  1. casinobrava.com
    Aug 23, 2013 @ 06:35:13

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